It has been a few weeks...

SORRY!! I haven't forgotten about this blog, but I just have had too much going on to write. Depressing, I know.

I would love to give you a brief synopsis of the past few weeks, but due to time contsraints (on your part) I will just let you know about where I am at today.

First, I am studying for the LSAT's again. I got my scores back from the first test. I did well, but I know that I can do better. Most of my apps are due by March 15th and the LSAT is Feb. 2nd. I am spending the entirity of the month of January studying. Jealous, aren't you?

Also, starting Sunday December 30th, I am starting a serious diet. My goal is to lose 15 pounds in 45 days. I know that might sound absurd, but I know that I can do it. First, I will save money. Second, I am going to Texas and Colorado in February to see some old friends and I want to look good...duh :)

Meredith and I had our annual Tacky Holiday Sweater Party last weekend, and needless to say, no one was disappointed. People actually made the two hour trek down to Chillicothe for the party. I was shocked. The punch was good, the outfits were ridiculous, and the music was perfect. Although there are a few moments that I don't remember perfectly, I had a wonderful time. Friends from high school, college, and from Chillicothe were in attendance. It was nice to have every period of my life represented!

This guy (to remain nameless), who I have been friends with since college and currently lives 20 hours away, came to the party. I am completely head over heels infatuated with the kid; even though my roommate says that he looks like a surfer dude and despite the fact that Pete has pointed out that he constantly flicks his hair. We had a great time the night of the party and then the following night we went to the zoo and looked at the lights. I wish that I would have been feeling better to enjoy it more, but I just enjoyed spending time and just talking with him (the kissing wasn't that bad either ;)). Unfortunately his free time was sparse, he is now in Europe. Yep, Europe. I didn't dig for details on the trip because I am assuming that it is to visit his ex-girlfriend (hopefully not his current girlfriend). I hate this. Hopefully, I am assuming wrong. But girls have a sixth sense and just get that feeling. Anyways, I just hate the fact that I fall for people whom I shouldn't. He has been so sweet, nice, etc. so far that I just know it is going to end not the way that I would want it too!

Basically he has been the one guy friend of mine who has kept in touch with me since college. And I will emphasize the fact that he has kept in touch with me. I wasn't always as receptive as I am now. I used to just see him as a friend... until last year when he kissed me before he left to go back to CO. For me, I don't relish in the fact that he kissed me. Instead, I think about how he has to have done this with all of these other girls and how many other girls does he constantly text, etc. I hate the fact that I am a complete pessimist when it comes to boys. Completely and utterly hate it. And what makes it worse, is that he has always been the one guy who has been there for me through every guy telling me that they weren't good enough, that i didn't deserve them. I just wish that I could trust a guy again. I have learned through the past year to love again, now I just want to trust again.

Back to the fact that he has been the only guy friend to really reach out to me since college to be my friend... I guess, I just keep comparing this in my mind to my sister and Jay. How Jay was the only person to really keep in touch with her when she moved out to Montana and when she came back, he was right there for her. I just wish my guy would move back to Ohio and then we could take off where Chrissie and Jay did... i.e. on the way to something more permanent. Ha ha. Not going to happen. But, I can wish!

And I know that I am just rattling on and on without much of a point thus far. My point is that I like a guy that doesn't live anywhere close to me, I don't trust men of any shape, size or color, I want to find happiness, and I am sad.

That is right, I am sad. I hate being sad and depressed. This guy and I would talk everyday and constantly be texting each other. I know that sounds ridiculous for two twenty-somethings to be constantly texting, but it puts a smile across my face and happy thoughts in my mind. And I know it does the same thing for him, because he told me so! And he left for Europe yesterday. I know that it has only been one day, but I just miss hearing from him and I can't help but wonder who he is traveling with or whom he is visiting. And that of course makes me sick... makes me sick to think that he probably really isn't mine or ever going to be mine.

I don't like to ramble on about guys, but this is the only place that I feel that I can really talk about it. I am scared to tell my family things, or tell them everything in that they have already blamed me for losing John awhile back (which was not my fault at all!). I also can't confide in my roommate really. She doesn't really like him, granted she does not know him at all. But, why make fun of someone that you know your roommate likes when you yourself really don't know him at all? Yeah, I thought so.

So, please just wish me well and if you have any ideas on how I can distract myself these next two weeks... let me know!

I am thinking about having someone screen all future guys for me. Maybe hang a sign outside my door that says "Only serious inquiries permitted".

I really just don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life.